Lightformed Art

LIGHT-FORMED ART

Currently getting shop set up, but have been experimenting with small items, notably coasters of wood and slate.

Droller Coasters
81 (and counting!) wood coasters engraved with groanworthy puns
(Click to magnify)

To some people, alcohol is a problem. To chemists, it's a solution.

I aam reading a book about Ant-Gravity. I just can't put it down!

How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them!

You can't believe Atoms, They make up everything!

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork... ...but the heavier ones need a crane

If it ain't Baroque, Fix it!

They said I only sing well below middle C. That's a bass allegation!

Good moms let you lick the beaters / Great moms turn them off first

Beer is a gateway drug to aspirin

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphault under his arm and says, ''A beer, please, and one for the road.''

R.I.P. boiling water. You will be mist!

I'm addicted to brake fluid, but it's OK... ...I can stop at any time!

I just burned 2000 calories! Those poor brownies...

I swatted a bee today. It was kind of a buzz-kill.

In a campground, you cannot RUN; you can only RAN. Past Tents.

The U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of cannibalism 8 - 1

Huge explosion in a cheese factory. De Brie went everywhere!

Those new corduroy pillow cases are really making headlines!

SARS-CoV-2 is superior to some airlines - It, at least, is airborne

Did you know cows kill more people than sharks? Who knew cows kill sharks!

If you are dusting a crop, are you puttng dust on, or taking it off?

Before the invention of the crowbar, crows had to drink at home.

We call our dog Rolex. He's an excellent watch dog!

Don't use no double negatives. That's a Big No-No

I'm drawing a blank. My pen is out of ink.

Electricians have to strip to make ends meet

The sign said

I tried to play

Having the ability fly would be so uplifting!

I took a chance on a used food processor but sadly, no dice.

Trying to play frisbee with my dog didn't work. I need a flatter dog.

Geology rocks, but Geography is where it's at!

Puns about German sausage are the Wurst

Eye of newt? Aisle three, second shelf. Should be next to the frog toes.

You want me to unload the milk and rearrange the fridge? My shift ends in ten minutes!

A hardboiled egg in the morning can’t be beat.

I just burned a Hawaiian pizza. ...should have baked it at aloha temperature.

Orchestra conductors think Horns are corni.

To the person who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!

Irony. The opposite of wrinkly

Man walks into a bar carrying jumper cables, Bartender says,

KARMA CAFE / Now Serving Just Desserts

I took a job in a bakery because I knead dough.

I lost my mood ring. Not sure how I should feel about that...

Make the little things count! Teach math to mice.

She was only a humble moonshiner, but he loved her still.

When you're down by the sea and eel bites your knee, that's a moray!

As they say in the Mortuary, ''Remains to be seen.''

I used to pick up shells on the beach until I pulled a mussel...

Shall I give the victim mouth-to-mouth persperation? / Ok, then. No sweat.

Overeaters Anonymous Helpline/888-888-8888

Feeling a bit paranoid? Remember, you are not alone...

The Past, the Present and the Futue walk into a bar. It was tense.

I AM PERFECTLY SOBER

PLATEAUS / are the highest form of flattery!

Thanks for explaining the word “plethora” to me. It means a lot!

Prime Rib Cannot be divided

The rotation of the earth really makes my day!

i can't stand Russian dolls. They are so full of themselves!

function washHair(){ while(shampoo){lather(); rinse(); shampoo--; } }

I Shot the Serif

Shout out to the people who don't know the opposite of 'in'.

American Sign Language is really handy!

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. That's a HARDWARE issue!

Sopranos are nothing but treble!

IN CASE OF UNSOLICITED EMAIL BREAK GLASS

Stairs cannot be trusted... They are always up to something!

If you are cold, stand in the corner. It's 90 degrees.

A groanworthy pun about a steak is a rare medium well-done.

Straws are for Suckers

Tattoo: An Arftul Jab Well-done

Puns about paper are tearable! (Unlike this coaster)

When the lines form a skein and the sight hurts your brain, That's a Moiré!

This clock started a fashion trend. It was known for its “Timeless Style”

I heard a great time-travel joke tomorrow

I tried calling the Tinnitus Helpline. No answer. just kept ringing...

Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak!

If you are waiting for the waiter, aren't YOU the waiter?

Waking up in the morning is an eye-opening experience!

I thought about making a belt of old watches... but that would be a waist of time!

Steal a man's wallet, and he will be poor for a week. Teach him to be a writer and he will be poor for the rest of his life.

Custom Slate Coasters
Slate burns light gray, the opposite of wood

Coffee & Friends ...the perfect blend!

Yes, Dear...

No matter what it looks like from where you stand, the moon is always round

City of Portland, Oregon 1851

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord

Smooth Wall Construction Warrenton, Oregon

Surfsand Resort Cannon Beach, Oregon

(Currently, slate coasters have all been either commissions for businesses or custom designs as gifts for friends.)

Other awful stuff from fellow paranomasiacs:

Vince the Sign Guy created the famous signs he'd post at the Indian Hills Community Center in Colorado —let me use some of his groaners here.
Will Styler, Associate Teaching Professor of Linguistics at UC San Diego, has a marvelous collection of puns, several of which were purloined for this project.